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A blog by someone who doesn't like or understand blogs.
A major theme of this blog is the love affair between the blogger and the city of New York.
Email me at david [at] danzig [dot] com.
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Sunday, December 29, 2002
HOW FORTUNATE.
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Jill Z. made me one of those old fortune teller things, where you pick a color, and then a number, and then a number, and then look under the flap for your fortune. So, I went over to Pete B. and made up this story about how I met an old Gypsy woman in downtown Hollywood (Florida), who gave me this fortune teller that would always tell you your true fortune. This seemed to me to be not so much an obvious lie as an obvious joke, but everyone asked me "Are you serious?" I guess I told the story well. Anyway, the point of this story is the fortunes I wrote on the fortune telling device:
1. No one will ever really love you.
2. You will outlive your children.
3. You will contract an incurable STD.
4. You will be falsely accused of child abuse.
5. You will lose all your hair and teeth by the age of 45.
6. Your spouse will cheat on you.
7. You will lose all your savings at the age of 53.
8. You will never be successful or respected in your chosen profession.
So, it was great going around to everyone and reading them their fortunes. These are kind of amusing to read, but it's much funnier when you pick a number and that's your personal fortune. Then, two days later I was at Pete's house again for a surprise birthday party for his wife, Samara B.. Toward the end of the night I asked Samara whose fortune I should do, and she indicated her 10 year-old half-sister, whose name I forget. She loved it, and insisted to go around doing people's fortunes. It was so funny, seeing this little girl say these terrible things! She told her mother that she would never be successful in her chosen profession, and then she told her father that he'd lose all his hair by the age of 45 "Oh, that's already happened to you!" she said. From the mouths of babes. Then she told her grandmother that she would be falsely accused of child abuse. It was hysterical. She asked to copy the fortune teller device, and I let her, but she had to promise to let anybody else copy it who wanted it. I hope it spreads all over her school and all over the world.
Make one yourself, and substitute your own ideas for your least favorites above. Here are some tips:
1) I kind of regret the two that mention your specific age. They don't work for anyone over that age.
2) A fortune is something that will happen in the future. Don't say, "you look ugly", say, "you will loose your looks much sooner than you would have thought possible." You can disagree with the first one, but the second one has the ring of truth, because who's to say today that it's not true?
3) Don't be overly graphic or sexual. The one about the incurable STD is already more than pushing it. A couple people found that one a little un-funny.
UPDATE 1/2/03: How to make a paper fortune teller.
link to this item: http://www.creamy.com/blog/2002/12/how-fortunate.html
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