The Andrew Letters

by Andrew McCoy and David Danzig

These are some letters exchanged between me and my college friend Andrew McCoy. We would like to exchange letters with you also. You can write to me at or to Andrew at

Andrew maintains The Illegal Drug Promotion Page. Although that page is very amusing, it is also an excellent example of how to use the Web irresponsibly. Enjoy!

From: (Andy McCoy)
Subject: sex on the acid always made me happy
Date: Fri, 3 Dec 1993 18:46:09 -0800 (PST)

So, Mr Banzig:  How do they treat you in the Carolinas?  I have been
worried sick about you ever since I heard that your apartment manager
and the custodial staff are out to get you.  Was your run-in with the
landlord ever resolved?  Did you recover the stolen booze?  What worries
me even more than the prospect of your being hunted down by a janitorial
death-squad is the fear of your being stuck down by a drunken
maintenance-man with one of those rapidly spinning floor buffing
machines.  That would be awful!  Please exercise caution:   there may me
a boozed-up repair man at large in your hall.
How is your legislative flight into the hallowed halls of the American
political machine?  Can you hear your shoes squaking their way closer to
Congress... or the Senate?  Please let me know how you are.

Date: Sun, 5 Dec 1993 22:34:54 -0500 (EST)
From: David Danzig 
Subject: I want to make love to you like a spoon.
To: Andy McCoy 

Mr.  McCoy:

Andy, my unearthly arbitor of pain, your talons slash my soul with their
grip.  Your beak pierces me as you lap up the nectar of my consciousness.

I shall shatter the walls of our society with the weight of my legal prowess.
When I walk the halls of the capitol, the Congress, not I, shall squeak.

The maintainence lesbians continue their cocktail hour at my expense.  My 
complaints and letters have come to no avail. 

How're things going with you?  Things are well here, but finals loom. 

My penis engorged,

From: (Andy McCoy)
Subject: Re: I want to make love to you like a spoon.
To: (David Danzig)
Date: Sun, 5 Dec 1993 21:09:15 -0800 (PST)
Mr. Danzig:
Dave, my savior, you rend me unable to type.  Your electronic mail lit
up my screen as I read it.
When the Congress squeak before you it will be I, Andrew, who adumbrated
this event.
Sorry to hear that the clean-up dykes have yet to return your spirits,
but lo, a fiery Hell awaits them.
Life here in Seattle is OK, no finals loom before me, and my pager
vibrates with the number of my gorgeous blond girlfriend. 
Unfortunately, I haven't seen much of her lately.  She disapppears
before I can return her calls. 
Good Luck on your finals, and hey--chappy h--it vibrates again.  Gotta
                 Your Friend Drew

Date: Tue, 7 Dec 1993 16:01:45 -0500 (EST)
From: David Danzig 
Subject: They shoot whores don't they?
To: Andy McCoy 

Dear Andy,

Your words masturbate me.  Semen drenched text caresses me post-coitally.
A thousand monochrome androgynes shudder, then sigh.

If no finals loom before you, you are a lucky man, indeed.  Finals weave
me on their loom into the frayed and tattered garment of a man that I have

What fills your days, my lovely Drew?  Do you wallow, or do you undulate?

Do not remove my testicles,


Copyright (c) 1995 David Danzig.

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